Dear Broken Spirits & Souls, YOU’VE GOT TO FIGHT BACK by Lala Neriah Tshabalala (Part 1)
Your body, your rules! About That Curvy Life presents a tell all series from South African Curvy blogger, model, body positive activist and founder of Plus Size is me movement, Lala Neriah Tshabalala. She tells the story of how she has journeyed to self love and acceptance.
Navigating this body- love & self-love journey has been challenging in every sense of the word but I wouldn’t trade it for a thing. I’ve told many people that my body love & self love journey started when I was about 25 but in retrospect it started the day my inner voice turned on me.
Growing up my twin sister and I were sheltered from a lot. We went to amazing private schools, vacationed in some of the most beautiful places in the world and lived in relatively quiet suburbs. Our parents did everything and anything to protect us from the world but they couldn’t save me from that inner voice. That inner voice that came in like a thief in the night. That voice that worked day and night to destroy me.
The one that killed my sense of self-worth, had me bent over in the ladies room throwing up lunch, writing the most abusive diary entries about my appearance, that had me low-key jealous and comparing myself to my friends. The one that buried my self-esteem and left no markings, no stone or stick so I knew where to find it. My inner voice changed me. It became such a big part of who I was, how I interpreted my life, the people in it and the experiences I went through.
I found myself in toxic friendships and relationships, becoming super sensitive and insensitive, over eating, under eating, smiling through the pain, uncontrollably crying. I even… I even kept a large shard of glass in my diary for 2 years and wrote multiple entries about building the courage to kill myself. I was an absolute mess. I was bullied, I became a bully and the vicious cycle continued……..